Did you know that it takes people on average 6 months to be able to go 21 consecutive days without complaining?
It makes going complaint-free easier said than done.
I heard about this challenge on CBC’s Tapestry
For 21 days you cannot complain, blame, criticize or gossip. You wear a wristband and you switch it to the other wrist as soon as you catch yourself doing any of the above. These are the rules set out by Will Bowen who will even send you a purple wrist band (I hear they are on back order), along with his book.
Does it mean you are just going to be positive and not notice anything negative around you? Not at all. It means you express what you see, but you stay out of judgment and blame and you rephrase it.
Instead of saying:
“I can’t believe that team is so incredibly slow. They should have finished that part ages ago!”
“The team has not delivered the results at the promised and agree upon time. I am curious as to what happened and I am going to find out.”
It also works at home.
Instead of saying:
“Ah, all you do is watch your youtube (insert favourite social media), I can’t believe you didn’t clean the kitchen!”
“We agreed that you could clean the kitchen. I see it has not been done. What happened? What is your plan for getting it done?”
When you are in blame, you cannot be in kind and supportive mode at the same time. When you complain, you cannot be solution-oriented at the same time.
You may not have a choice in what triggers or annoys you, but you do have a choice in the language you choose. It takes more effort to reframe you complaint into neutral language, but it is well worth it to create a kinder, more productive work place. When we are in a positive frame of mind we see more solutions (the happiness advantage) Blaming, gossiping and complaining do not contribute to this positive frame of mind.
Maya Angelou had some thoughts on a world without complaints:
You can get the official plastic band or the app, but any bracelet or elastic wrist band will do.
I am getting started today - I bet it won’t be as easy as it seems.
Join in and share what you discover.
Unlimited Potential has teamed up with Yellow Boots Leadership to introduce the Deliberate Shift Coaching Program. The article below is from an interview with Ottawa writer Kaarina Stiff.
Deliberate Shift has launched an innovative new leadership coaching program for people who want to think creatively about how they lead.
Deliberate Shift co-founder Ellen Melis says this program digs deeper than other coaching programs.
“It’s a different way of making leadership development come to life,” says Melis. “Fundamentally, it’s about bringing people to a different place.”
The program includes an intensive three-day workshop, followed by one-on-one coaching, group support calls, and a community of practice with other leaders.
“This is not just a workshop—it’s a leadership development program that is for people who say ‘I want to lead differently’,” Melis continues. “It’s about deliberate leadership that engages people, going from telling people what to do to getting the best out of them.”
Both Melis and co-founder Tammy McLennan are certified executive coaches. They created Deliberate Shift to fill a need they saw in the market for a program that goes beyond basic coaching skills. It combines traditional skills building, like how to listen effectively and ask better questions, with a heavy emphasis on self-awareness that creates space for people to think about how they want to “show up” as a leader.
“A big passion for me is reducing the tension between work and life,” says McLennan. “You can’t separate who you are outside of work from who you are at work.”
Most leaders are challenged to find time to explore these thoughts in a busy work environment that’s full of back-to-back meetings. Through the three-day workshop, the program guides people to think deeply about who they are as leaders, and to examine how they can lead more deliberately, based on what drives them to do their best work.
“We take time with people so they can reflect,” says McLennan. “We work with people to help them figure out who they are as a leader, how they show up, and how they want to show up as a leader—we create the space for all of that to happen.”
The program has a unique link to the LEADS leadership framework, which is used extensively in the healthcare sector and promotes a holistic view of what it means to lead. Consistent with LEADS, the Deliberate Shift Coaching program includes a follow-up 360-degree feedback process, which helps participants broaden their understanding of the impact their leadership approach has on others.
The Deliberate Shift Coaching Program is best suited to individuals who are ready to think hard about the changes they can make, and want to have more deliberate conversations with the people they work with. It’s an excellent way for whole groups or organizations to bring about a culture shift because it gives people a common framework and a common language to work from, which builds trust across the entire team.
“This is really perfect for organizations that are committed to creating a more engaging culture with individuals who are prepared to do the hard work,” says Melis.
A key quality that sets this program apart from other leadership offerings is the follow-up work that continues after the workshop is over. Melis and McLennan call it “a leadership shift that sticks”, because they designed the program to be practical and long lasting.
“We give a lot of time in the workshop and in the coaching to look at where you are now and where you want to be, and then identifying the path that’s going to take you there and help you stay there,” says Melis.
The impact of a program like this is profound for people who embrace it, McLennan adds, because it introduces the value of slowing down and preparing for deliberate conversations in a way that they didn’t think of before.
“People have described that shift as ‘life-changing’ once they gain these new insights” says McLennan. “It’s so powerful to be able to have real conversations about things that matter and see how quickly you feel connected to other people when you do that.”
Melis and McLennan are also excited to be doing this together.
“When we work together, we play off each other’s creativity and we do our best work,” Melis says. “That’s one of the reasons I’m so excited about this — this really is our best work. It’s fresh, it’s different, it’s fun — and it really makes a difference.”
For more information about Deliberate Shift and upcoming workshops, visit the Deliberate Shift website.