21- Day Complaint Free Challenge

 

Did you know that it takes people on average 6 months to be able to go 21 consecutive days without complaining?

It makes going complaint-free easier said than done.

I heard about this challenge on CBC’s Tapestry 

How does it work?

For 21 days you cannot complain, blame, criticize or gossip.  You wear a wristband and you switch it to the other wrist as soon as you catch yourself doing any of the above.  These are the rules set out by Will Bowen who will even send you a purple wrist band (I hear they are on back order), along with his book.

What do I do instead?

Does it mean you are just going to be positive and not notice anything negative around you? Not at all. It means you express what you see, but you stay out of judgment and blame and you rephrase it.

Instead of saying:

“I can’t believe that team is so incredibly slow. They should have finished that part ages ago!”

Say:

“The team has not delivered the results at the promised and agree upon time. I am curious as to what happened and I am going to find out.”

It also works at home.

Instead of saying:

“Ah, all you do is watch your youtube (insert favourite social media), I can’t believe you didn’t clean the kitchen!”

Perhaps try:

“We agreed that you could clean the kitchen. I see it has not been done. What happened? What is your plan for getting it done?”

Language Matters

When you are in blame, you cannot be in kind and supportive mode at the same time. When you complain, you cannot be solution-oriented at the same time.

You may not have a choice in what triggers or annoys you, but you do have a choice in the language you choose. It takes more effort to reframe you complaint into neutral language, but it is well worth it to create a kinder, more productive work place. When we are in a positive frame of mind we see more solutions (the happiness advantage) Blaming, gossiping and complaining do not contribute to this positive frame of mind.  

Maya Angelou had some thoughts on a world without complaints:

 

Join in

You can get the official plastic band or the app, but any bracelet or elastic wrist band will do.

I am getting started today - I bet it won’t be as easy as it seems.  

Join in and share what you discover. 

 

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A simple way to measure ownership of personal and leadership development in your organization

 

I often hear leaders in organizations ask about how they can “make” people take more accountability for their personal and leadership development. You can’t really “make” people do anything, but these 4 simple questions will provide you with lots of insight on how to make personal and leadership development matter to your team.

Four simple questions:

Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey (2009) suggest that you know that an organization had people taking ownership of their ongoing development when you could walk into an organization and any person could tell you:

  • What is the one thing they are working on that will require that they grow to accomplish it
  • How they are working on it
  • Who else knows and cares about it
  • Why this matters to them


Reference: Immunity to change. How to overcome it and unlock the potential in yourself and your organization. Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey, 2009.

 

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Increasing Self Awareness - 3 leadership development tools

 

As part of my leadership reading list on Lead Self, the book: The power of Coincidence: How life shows us what we need to know by David Richo is probably one of the more spiritual books I have read on self-awareness… While some the content of this book is beyond my grasp (or maybe my interest) I do take away three self-awareness insights. 

Much of this book is centered around letting go of the things that lead to needing to “be right”, “be in control”, “stay in fear” or “wanting to retaliate.” In letting go of those you make room for generosity, openness and letting life and love in. It also allows you to be a better leader in making more room for others.

Pause at the Pauses in Life

Life comes with its share of unexpected changes and events. Many of us have the tendency to fill the “in between spaces” with action and activity to avoid the quiet. Maybe the pauses are similar to the quiet in between plot developments in a book. The pause we take in these “in between” stages are an important part of growth. The hard part is to be quiet and observe rather than fill the space with “busyness.” A quote: “impatience is a refusal to honour the built-in timing of events.”

Take away: Have the courage to be quiet and to let go of controlling and willing events in the “in between” stages. Great thing show up when we are least looking for them.

Spot Fear, Attachment, Control and Entitlement

There is quite a bit in this book about the Ego and the Self – lots of it is based on Jung’s theories. The bottom line is that the Ego can get in the way of who we want to be and can show up as fear, attachment, control and entitlement. Time is spent in the book on converting this to the opposites:

  • Fear becomes love
  • Attachment becomes letting go
  • Control becomes allowing and honoring others’ freedom
  • Entitlement becomes standing up for our rights without retaliation if they are not respected

Takeaway: Fear thrives on isolation and powerlessness. When we admit our fears and share, it decreases the power it hold over us.

Mindfulness Exercise – letting go of 5 layers


Many of us have the tendency to distance ourselves from emotional reactions or to give in to drama. Mindfulness is simply “noticing our feelings and paying attention to them.” The book speaks of mindfulness as a way to visit the mind rather than be a prisoner to it.

Here one exercise to try.
Form an image of your current problem, concern or crisis. Sit comfortable and imagine that your problem is cupped in your hands in the image of a ball - a ball that is covered in 5 layers. Feel the weight of the ball and ask yourself the following questions:

  • What is scary about this problem and how are you holding on to fear, or being stopped or pushed by it?
    • Once you are aware if it, imagine yourself peeling it away and dropping it as you let go of the need to fear this.
  • How invested are you in controlling the outcome of this problem and how are you trying to maintain control of others around you?
    • Imagine yourself peeling away this layer and letting go of the need to control this.
  • How are you blaming this problem on someone else?
    • Let go of this layer and affirm that you let go of the need to blame anyone for this.
  • How are you feeling shame or guilt about having this problem?
    • Peel it away too to let go of the need to feel ashamed of this
  • How are you letting your serenity become dependent upon whether you can bring everything back to normal?
    • Peel this final layer away and let go of the need to fix this.

Now ask yourself what is left of the original problem. What does the ball feel like now and what is left of it? Let go of that.

Takeaway: Letting go of fear, control, blame, shame and the need to fix things creates space for new insights.

If you are interested in exploring these aspects of self-awareness as part of your leadership journey – this book is a good introduction with plenty of practical exercises and reflections.

 

 

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